Self-awareness: The ability to monitor one’s own emotion state and to correctly identify and name one’s emotions. Hallmarks include self-confidence, realistic self-assessment, and a self-deprecating sense of humor
Self-regulation: The ability to control or redirect disruptive impulses and moods, and the tendency to suspend judgment and to think before acting. Hallmarks include trustworthiness and integrity; comfort with ambiguity; and openness to change.
Internal motivation: The drive to work for internal reasons that go beyond money and status (external motivators) – such as an inner vision of what is important in life, a joy in doing something, curiosity in learning, a flow that comes with being immersed in an activity. A tendency to pursue goals with energy and persistence. Hallmarks include a strong drive to achieve, optimism even in the face of failure, and organizational commitment.
Empathy: The ability to understand the emotional makeup of other people. A skill in treating people according to their emotional reactions. Hallmarks include expertise in building and retaining relationships and networks, cross-cultural sensitivity, and exemplary service.
Social Skills: Proficiency in managing relationships and building networks, and an ability to find common ground and build rapport. Hallmarks include effectiveness in leading change, persuasiveness, and expertise building and leading teams.
The good news is that emotional intelligence tends to increase with age, even without deliberate interventions. That’s a way of saying that many people mature with age.
Also, we can increase emotional intelligence by observing and copying people who are good at it. Even better is finding someone who can coach you.
Emotional intelligence coaching produces higher levels of happiness, mental and physical health, improved social and marital relationships, and decrease levels of cortisol (the stress hormone).
- Who made you feel comfortable in their presence?
- What did they do that made you feel comfortable?
- What were they good at in interacting with other people?
- Did you pick up any skills from being around people who were socially adept?
- What skills have noticed in your interactions with other people?
- Do you consider yourself as effective as most other people you know? Less effective? More effective?
- How effective have you been in making choices about relationships? Spouse? Friends? Mentors? Colleagues?
- What have you learned as a corrective?
- How are your interpersonal skills important at this stage of life?
- What ways can you use your emotional intelligence now?